So, I don't like to reminisce a lot, but lately I've been catching myself doing it more and more. Maybe it's just that I'm getting older and hormonal changes are occurring, or maybe it's just that I've had so much loss that I feel the need to remember the way things were.
I've caught myself thinking about old friends from way back in elementary school, all the way up to recent co-workers I've lost contact with. I've even been thinking about old boyfriends, like Ben from Park Street Middle School. I remember when I thought he and I would always be together. Ahh.. sweet ignorance. Back then, I didn't know real pain, or real love. I had never really experienced loss, and I was such a different person.
I miss the old days, going skating at Skate America with Nicole, watching football games with Megan, sleep-overs with Rachel, threatening to beat up the boys! hehe... These are all things I will never get back. I know each and every interaction I had growing up has shaped me into the person I am today, but I still can't help but wonder at times what if things had been different.
What if I hadn't lost touch with these people, and we were still as close today as we once were? Would I be happier, would I be more outgoing and less cynical? Would I still live in Ohio, or would I have moved away? Would I be the same person I am now, or completely different? Instead of having my first child just before I turned 25, would I have 3-4 kids now, or would I still be waiting?
Then, I get to thinking about the future. Where do I see myself in 5 years? Will Donnie and I last? Will I be a good Mom? Will I finally take off the excess weight, or will I continue to gain until I finally die from my body shutting down? The future is so uncertain.
I want to find a successful career where I can look the way I want, act the way I want, work the hours I want to, and live where I want to. This, however, seems to be just out of grasp. I don't want to have the conventional 40 hours (or more) a week job in an office working for a corporation who wants all of their employees to be cookie cutter clones. I want to lose about 130 lbs, get my tits done, and get covered in tattoos, have facial piercings, wacky hair cuts, the works! I want to be ME! Every interaction I have in life will shape who I am.
Well, here's to the future.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Friday, January 18, 2008
FLOCK YOU!
Okay, so I'm using yet another new web browser, and believe it or not, I like this one much better than firefox! I never thought that would happen, but it has! It's called Flock. It is quite possibly the best web browser I have ever used. It has almost all my favorite web sites off to one side with constant updates. I wish it had a myspace updater, but it doesn't. That is the only drawback, but it has many more features than most browsers. Right now I'm using their offline blog poster. I'm just testing this to see if it works really. I'm hardly ever offline, but just incase it should happen again soon, I want to be able to upload my blogs as soon as my net comes back up!
Well, I'm going to try this to see if it worked.
Well, I'm going to try this to see if it worked.
Blogged with Flock
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Ever Wonder WHY?
Okay. So, I tend to rant a lot. I admit it. That is what I'm best at doing. I'm normally very outspoken, and don't really care if I offend people. The way I figure, so effin what if I call things as I see them. Opinions are like assholes, and the only one that matters is mine! :) But seriously, ever wonder why I rant a lot? Because there is so much to rant about in this "Land of the Free and Home of the Brave".
First, Land of the Free??? I think not. The only things in life that are free are things you don't want, like STD's. When was the last time you were grateful for that?! Things that should be free, however, are not. Like health insurance. Health care should be free to all U.S. citizens, but is it? No. Do you realize that right now, there are approximately 47 million Americans without health care coverage. That's 16% of the entire U.S. population! Of that 47 million, 80% are native or naturalized citizens of the United States. Having employment no longer guarantees health care coverage, as a whopping 8 in 10 uninsured Americans come from working families. One third of the companies in the United States no longer offer health care coverage to their employees, and of the two thirds who do offer coverage, many of their employees either do not qualify for coverage, or cannot afford their portion of the Health Care Coverage costs. Nearly 40% of those that are uninsured come from households that earn more than $50,000 a year, and yet they still cannot afford insurance. Land of the Free my ass.
Secondly, Home of the Brave? If we are so effin brave, then why are we so damned afraid of change. A man comes along with a plan to fix what our current and recent past administrations have done with our government, and yet the news media is petrified to give him any real coverage unless they are putting him down and insulting him, trying to make him less credible. Why can't we just admit, "We want a change. This person can do it. Let's spread his message, and get him elected. He stands for the core changes that I want to see in our country.", then actually follow through. I don't think it is brave to barge into another country and take over, killing hundreds of thousands of innocent people. I don't think it is brave to drop bombs on cities of people, not knowing if you will actually hit your target, or just kill more innocent children. I do not believe it is brave to lead a war on "terrorism", when the obvious reason behind it is to control oil fields, and finish what your father started. Do you realize that the vast majority of things that our government is doing is actually against our constitution? Do you remember that utmost important document that our forefathers signed to guarantee our freedoms, civil liberties, and a limited government in which "We the People" are supposed to decide how we want things done? Our government is walking all over our civil liberties, and no one seems to care enough to say stop.
Lastly, let me say, I am not Anti-American, as I'm sure many people believe. I am anything but. I love America. I love what our country stands for. I do not, however, love how our country is being pushed further and further into debt and isolation by the fascist dictators we have in office now. I want to see us return to our roots. Being an American used to really mean something. George W. Bush has made us the laughing stock of the world. Our country is more concerned with capitalistic ideas and policies than those which made our country great. When are we going to wake up?
First, Land of the Free??? I think not. The only things in life that are free are things you don't want, like STD's. When was the last time you were grateful for that?! Things that should be free, however, are not. Like health insurance. Health care should be free to all U.S. citizens, but is it? No. Do you realize that right now, there are approximately 47 million Americans without health care coverage. That's 16% of the entire U.S. population! Of that 47 million, 80% are native or naturalized citizens of the United States. Having employment no longer guarantees health care coverage, as a whopping 8 in 10 uninsured Americans come from working families. One third of the companies in the United States no longer offer health care coverage to their employees, and of the two thirds who do offer coverage, many of their employees either do not qualify for coverage, or cannot afford their portion of the Health Care Coverage costs. Nearly 40% of those that are uninsured come from households that earn more than $50,000 a year, and yet they still cannot afford insurance. Land of the Free my ass.
Secondly, Home of the Brave? If we are so effin brave, then why are we so damned afraid of change. A man comes along with a plan to fix what our current and recent past administrations have done with our government, and yet the news media is petrified to give him any real coverage unless they are putting him down and insulting him, trying to make him less credible. Why can't we just admit, "We want a change. This person can do it. Let's spread his message, and get him elected. He stands for the core changes that I want to see in our country.", then actually follow through. I don't think it is brave to barge into another country and take over, killing hundreds of thousands of innocent people. I don't think it is brave to drop bombs on cities of people, not knowing if you will actually hit your target, or just kill more innocent children. I do not believe it is brave to lead a war on "terrorism", when the obvious reason behind it is to control oil fields, and finish what your father started. Do you realize that the vast majority of things that our government is doing is actually against our constitution? Do you remember that utmost important document that our forefathers signed to guarantee our freedoms, civil liberties, and a limited government in which "We the People" are supposed to decide how we want things done? Our government is walking all over our civil liberties, and no one seems to care enough to say stop.
Lastly, let me say, I am not Anti-American, as I'm sure many people believe. I am anything but. I love America. I love what our country stands for. I do not, however, love how our country is being pushed further and further into debt and isolation by the fascist dictators we have in office now. I want to see us return to our roots. Being an American used to really mean something. George W. Bush has made us the laughing stock of the world. Our country is more concerned with capitalistic ideas and policies than those which made our country great. When are we going to wake up?
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Death of J.D. Flanagan July 20, 1963-January 7, 2008 R.I.P.
As I'm sure you all know by now, my life sucks. Well, my life doesn't really suck, my luck sucks. I've had to deal with a lot in the last several years, and I thought 2008 would finally be a good year, but I was wrong.
I just got a call from my Grandma Betty letting me know my biological father, JD, passed away yesterday. He died in his sleep, cause unknown at this time. They will be doing an autopsy to find out for sure, but most likely the cause was a heart attack. I guess he had been having severe back pain for several days, and he laid down on the couch Sunday night to sleep. Sometime between 1am and 4am on Monday morning, he passed away, leaving behind my step-mom Cindy. He was 44 years old.
They live down in Georgia, and that is where the funeral and his burial site will be. Unfortunately, right now I'm not financially able to make the trip down. He never got to meet Giovanni. He just saw the pictures of Giovanni about a week ago, and thought he was a beautiful little boy, from what I was told. They were going to stop in to visit on their next trip up, probably this spring, as soon as the weather was a little better.
I'm not sure how much more I can take. I honestly feel like I've hit rock bottom, and now they are just throwing the dirt on top of me and burying me alive. I'm battered and beaten. I'm broken and bleeding. I'm suffocating in pain that seems to encompass my life.
He is now just like his favorite song, a Free bird.
I just got a call from my Grandma Betty letting me know my biological father, JD, passed away yesterday. He died in his sleep, cause unknown at this time. They will be doing an autopsy to find out for sure, but most likely the cause was a heart attack. I guess he had been having severe back pain for several days, and he laid down on the couch Sunday night to sleep. Sometime between 1am and 4am on Monday morning, he passed away, leaving behind my step-mom Cindy. He was 44 years old.
They live down in Georgia, and that is where the funeral and his burial site will be. Unfortunately, right now I'm not financially able to make the trip down. He never got to meet Giovanni. He just saw the pictures of Giovanni about a week ago, and thought he was a beautiful little boy, from what I was told. They were going to stop in to visit on their next trip up, probably this spring, as soon as the weather was a little better.
I'm not sure how much more I can take. I honestly feel like I've hit rock bottom, and now they are just throwing the dirt on top of me and burying me alive. I'm battered and beaten. I'm broken and bleeding. I'm suffocating in pain that seems to encompass my life.
He is now just like his favorite song, a Free bird.
Free Bird
If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me?
For I must be traveling on, now,
There's too many places I haven't seen
And if I stayed here with you, now
Things just wouldn't be the same
Well I'm as free as a bird now,
And a bird you can not change.
And a bird you can not change.
And a bird you can not change.
Lord knows I can't change
Bye, bye, its been a sweet love.
And though this feeling I can't change.
Please don't take it badly,
The Lord knows I'm to blame.
And, if I stayed here with you now
Things just wouldn't be the same.
For I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you'll never change.
And the bird you can not change.
And the bird you can not change.
Lord knows, I can't change.
Lord help me, I can't change.
In loving Memory of John Davis Flanagan.
July 20, 1963 - January 7, 2008
May you rest in peace.
If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me?
For I must be traveling on, now,
There's too many places I haven't seen
And if I stayed here with you, now
Things just wouldn't be the same
Well I'm as free as a bird now,
And a bird you can not change.
And a bird you can not change.
And a bird you can not change.
Lord knows I can't change
Bye, bye, its been a sweet love.
And though this feeling I can't change.
Please don't take it badly,
The Lord knows I'm to blame.
And, if I stayed here with you now
Things just wouldn't be the same.
For I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you'll never change.
And the bird you can not change.
And the bird you can not change.
Lord knows, I can't change.
Lord help me, I can't change.
In loving Memory of John Davis Flanagan.
July 20, 1963 - January 7, 2008
May you rest in peace.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Lap Band and a Boob Job
So, this might not be what a lot of you planned on when you decided to read this blog. This is not a rant. This is just to let people know that my goal for 2008-2010 is to get Lap Band surgery this year, then in mid 2009 to early 2010 get a boob job to bring my tits back up where they belong.
I have struggled with my weight for the majority of my 25 years, and while I don't see surgery as a quick fix or fix all by any means, I do believe that it will be a useful tool in helping me achieve my weight loss goals.
If you don't approve of surgery to fix weight problems or to enhance your body, thereby improving your self esteem and self confidence, then good for you. I personally believe it's my body, my choice.
I'll update later in the process to let everyone know what is going on.
I have struggled with my weight for the majority of my 25 years, and while I don't see surgery as a quick fix or fix all by any means, I do believe that it will be a useful tool in helping me achieve my weight loss goals.
If you don't approve of surgery to fix weight problems or to enhance your body, thereby improving your self esteem and self confidence, then good for you. I personally believe it's my body, my choice.
I'll update later in the process to let everyone know what is going on.
Facebook is getting Annoying!
Anyone who uses Facebook knows that in order to use the applications that are on the site, you have to basically spam all your friends and send them invites to use the applications too. It gets kinda old. The majority of the applications also have links that show above them saying things like "You have 11 New Messages-Click Here", and you believe that they are actually from the program you are using. When you click on these links, however, you are brought up to spammer sites, and even more spammer applications asking you to send a link to all your friends before you can use the program.
I'm to the point I am ready to delete my facebook account. It is annoying the piss out of me that they want me to spam my friends. I would like to check out an application first, see if it's something me and my friends would use, and if it is a good application, then I will choose the friends who may enjoy using it with me and send it to them.
Maybe I'm just getting grumpy in my old age. I wish things could go back to the way they were back in the day. But alas, it's all about marketing and spam nowadays.
I certainly hope blogger stays spam free.
I'm to the point I am ready to delete my facebook account. It is annoying the piss out of me that they want me to spam my friends. I would like to check out an application first, see if it's something me and my friends would use, and if it is a good application, then I will choose the friends who may enjoy using it with me and send it to them.
Maybe I'm just getting grumpy in my old age. I wish things could go back to the way they were back in the day. But alas, it's all about marketing and spam nowadays.
I certainly hope blogger stays spam free.
Why I hate the News Media
Working for a local Police Department for over three years in the post 9/11 world, I have grown to hate the news media. I have seen how they report half truths, if they choose to report any part of the truth at all. It is all about sensationalism with them. I've seen them report inaccurate facts about calls we went out on, and swear that they got the information straight from a "police source".
I've seen stories that were promoted for weeks be pulled from broadcast. One such case was a three part interview with a police dispatcher who had left her job and had talked to a main news media source in our town about the problems and injustices with the department. The first of the three segments aired, and then the rest was never shown. The Mayor and Chief of Police had the story squashed. The public was yet again kept in the dark.
Now that I left the police department, I still hate the media. I have seen, with the current election race coverage, just how unfair and biased the news media really is. I've noticed on more than one occasion that FOX News, being the main perpetrator, does not give equal and unbiased to some candidates running, like Ron Paul. They have been called out on this on more than one occasion, but don't seem to ever have a good answer for their actions.
When are we, as a people, going to stop buying into everything we are told on TV, and start holding the news media, both TV and Print, accountable for what they report and how they report it. Have you noticed some of the bills being passed in the House and Senate lately? My guess is no. No one is reporting on it. Why, you ask? Because the government likes it being swept under the rug so they can pass bills and amendments without any public outcries against it.
Many people don't realize how much yellow journalism there is in the world today. Wake up people! Do your research. Demand fair, equal and unbiased media coverage on all fronts. Don't take everything you hear or read for the truth. Take it at face value. No matter what someone writes about, there is bound to be some portion of it that is biased because of the writers' point of view.
I think we would be better off without the secrecy the government and news media seem to have going on, but that is only My Opinion!
I've seen stories that were promoted for weeks be pulled from broadcast. One such case was a three part interview with a police dispatcher who had left her job and had talked to a main news media source in our town about the problems and injustices with the department. The first of the three segments aired, and then the rest was never shown. The Mayor and Chief of Police had the story squashed. The public was yet again kept in the dark.
Now that I left the police department, I still hate the media. I have seen, with the current election race coverage, just how unfair and biased the news media really is. I've noticed on more than one occasion that FOX News, being the main perpetrator, does not give equal and unbiased to some candidates running, like Ron Paul. They have been called out on this on more than one occasion, but don't seem to ever have a good answer for their actions.
When are we, as a people, going to stop buying into everything we are told on TV, and start holding the news media, both TV and Print, accountable for what they report and how they report it. Have you noticed some of the bills being passed in the House and Senate lately? My guess is no. No one is reporting on it. Why, you ask? Because the government likes it being swept under the rug so they can pass bills and amendments without any public outcries against it.
Many people don't realize how much yellow journalism there is in the world today. Wake up people! Do your research. Demand fair, equal and unbiased media coverage on all fronts. Don't take everything you hear or read for the truth. Take it at face value. No matter what someone writes about, there is bound to be some portion of it that is biased because of the writers' point of view.
I think we would be better off without the secrecy the government and news media seem to have going on, but that is only My Opinion!
Reality TV....
Normally it would just annoy me. The Survivor and Big Brother type shows are the worst. Then came Celebreality TV....
I love celebreality! I don't know why. I am always catching myself watching "America's Next Top Model" or "I love New York!" or "Rock of Love with Bret Michaels", "A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila", "The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency" and many others on VH1 and MTV.
It is like a drug, and I am hooked! I love to watch these people make complete asses of themselves. Not necessarily the real Celebrities, like Tyra, Bret, or Tila, but the "contestants" on the shows.
Please don't let Celebreality fall by the way side. Keep Celebreality alive!
What we need next is "America's Next President" with Ron Paul included!
I love celebreality! I don't know why. I am always catching myself watching "America's Next Top Model" or "I love New York!" or "Rock of Love with Bret Michaels", "A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila", "The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency" and many others on VH1 and MTV.
It is like a drug, and I am hooked! I love to watch these people make complete asses of themselves. Not necessarily the real Celebrities, like Tyra, Bret, or Tila, but the "contestants" on the shows.
Please don't let Celebreality fall by the way side. Keep Celebreality alive!
What we need next is "America's Next President" with Ron Paul included!
So, This is Lissa's World
This is Lissa's World... Anything that is going on that I feel the need to blog about will most likely be found here. This will be separate from my family blog, which you can still access if you want to check up on the rest of my clan. You can also check up on my fiance, Donnie, on his weblog site.
Take a few to check things out. Check out my myspace if you like.
Thanks for visiting!
Take a few to check things out. Check out my myspace if you like.
Thanks for visiting!
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